Just Keep Going

I am now three weeks past my surgery. I know that because today I got the first bill (of what I am sure will be many) for the second cancer surgery. First, I am extremely grateful for a job that offers me insurance. Second, how do people without insurance cope? Wow. Anyway... I am back to work. By mid-day, I am exhausted but you know, you just keep going. I pace myself a bit. I time my meds to get the greatest result. I try to smile my way thought it. We bought a home last week. Because you know you just keep going. My mom will be living with us soon. The kids need space for growing up and friends and life. I continue to walk every morning with increasing mileage in readiness for a half marathon in October. I just keep going step by step - no speed but endurance and me we are pals. I'll be working with my oncologist soon on next steps relative to my cancer treatment. People keep asking what's next? I do not know. I just keep going. And I am really grateful that is the case.

Prayers in Any Language

I am a believer in the power of prayer. Big prayers. Small prayers. The kind of prayers that are barely a whisper of hope. Over the past few weeks I reached out to a dozen or so of my friends who I knew would pray for me in their own way. Those on their knees in direct connection to the Almighty. Those who would burn candles for light and love and healing. Muslim friends who said a du'a to ask Allah to heal me. Jewish friends who said "Eil na rafa na la" as words of hope and comfort for me. But prayers and encouragement also came in the form of neighbor's waves when they saw me outside, nods from fellow walkers, dog sniffs, rabbit twitches, deer sightings. Nathan bounding onto my bed for a snuggle. Yep. A prayer too. There is a universal oneness when we are called to pray for another's healing and comfort. Countries, religions, beliefs, time and distances do not matter. We call out and God listens. When we are too tired or to frightened to say the words. God knows. And sometimes, just sometimes we hear the response we hoped for... My lymph node biopsy was clear. Prayers answered. Gratitude unending.

One Week

It has been a week since my second surgery for the cancer on/in my arm, the lymph node removal under my arm, and the skin graft. One week of recovery. One week of waiting for the lymph node biopsy results. One week of pain management. One week of boredom. One week of loss of control. Unlike a week of vacation, one week feels like a really, really long time when you are waiting for news on your own health. I am right here. Waiting.

Gamma-Girl

When you try to get healthy, you notice stuff. Preparing for a 1/2 Marathon, I am walking everyday and increasing my mileage. I am up to 6 miles on my way to the 13.1. That's the good news. I start strong but then my left leg starts to lag. That is the challenge. Predictable at .7 mile, my left leg starts to feel heavy and slightly drags. By 6 miles I look like Quasimodo limping along (sans hump). I went to an Ortho Doc for x-rays. Clear. Whew. "But since you have cancer..." (I wonder how often that clause will proceed stuff now?) Bone scan ordered, and off I went. Lovely Nurse Jackie kept me in stitches telling me of people who took her "go drink a lot" literally and come back drunk for the second half of the scans. The result they fall off the tiny gamma-ray table. So in my head I am thinking isotopes, gamma-rays, beers, oh my... I chose to drink a lot of water instead. Although I was tempted just for the story value. When I tell the kids this, Nathan reminds me gamma-rays are what made Bruce Banner into the Hulk... hoping not to be green but okay with turning into a superhero full of strength and invulnerability. Bone scan clear. On to the next adventure.

Bump

Bump. As in bump on the arm. Bump in the road. Hit a bump. A small bump can turn a life around. Namely, mine. About two weeks ago I went to my dermatologist for a bump I have had on my arm that was kinda bothering me. In the time it takes for a doctor to say hello, I heard THE word. You know the one. The one people sometimes whisper without even knowing they are doing it. Today I begin my blog again. Bump that cancer. You and me, we're gonna knock against each other for a bit. You have displaced me from some things I value (General Assembly and Global Leadership Summit to name two). You have shifted my attention (in the "oh sh@# kinda way). You have raised my awareness to a whole new language. So here we go jerkin' and jolting along.

Departure

A few departures are painful, raw and just plain hurt. Other exits we run toward with pure bliss. Some seem to come and go with bittersweet memories. Acknowledged. Yet simply passing as a new journey begins. No drama needed today. Just a loaded car, a faithful dog and gratitude for those I love.... because you'll never leave my side anyway.

Boxes

I am not a keeper. I admit it.

I can hold a memory as easily as a box full of stuff symbolizing that memory.

So when it comes to packing up a house, well, I would just as soon start over as sort and box up a bunch of stuff. But sort and box one must sometimes for the others in your life.

My family and I, we have been as happy living in a house staged for sale as we ever were in a house full of things. Just saying.

So instead of packing another box, I think I will just go make another memory with the ones I love.